Ten “crack that paper” commandments


Ten commandments so you can publish during your PhD,an ode to Pia Lentini and The Notorious B.I.G. Over the weekend I was trying to write up my first PhD chapter as a paper, when The Notorious B.I.G got shuffled into my playlist. It’s been 20 years since Biggie released ‘Ready to die’. This got me thinking about a talk a Post Doc in QAECO lab gave on publishing during your PhD. So I decided to procrastinate from the task at hand and write an ode to Pia and Biggie Smalls. I give you the:

Ten “Crack That Paper” Commandments (play this track and recite the commandments with me!)

I been in this game for a year, doing it for me love of animals
There’s rules so you don’t publish shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
Your game on track, not your wig pushed back

Rule nombre uno: never start the show
without, a plan ready to unfold, modify as you go.
The calendar decreed planning specially
If your times backed up, head down bum up

Number two: never not let em (supervisors) know your next move
Don’t you know em bad boys remain in silence
Take it from your highness (uh-huh)
You need to squeeze them chaps, ask them for their tricks and tips.

Number three: do tasks mu-tip-ly
If your draft is receiving feedback, don’t put your feet up
Ramp your analysis up, or even do a quick graph
Start thinkin’ about your next chapter and get a step up

Number four: know you heard this before
Never deny your timeline supply (Be realistic with your timelines ~3 Drafts per paper)

Number five: Ignore superiors comments is a liability
I don’t care if they’re a nonce, snub remarks and your paper will bounce

Number six: that first draft edit, dead it
You think a lab-head writing your manuscript, shit forget it

Seven: this rule is so underrated
Pitch your paper and ideas to a journal list updated
Methods and “Nature” don’t mix like no fingers and an itch
The wrong pitch and you’re in serious shit

Number eight: never keep no hate in you
Them cats that review your paper get knocked back too

Number nine shoulda been number one to me
If you ain’t kickin’ goals and your paper is rejected by the journal police
If reviews think your works decent by ain’t glisten
Just remember chance plays a role, there is no need to be frettin’

Number ten: a strong word called consignment
Strictly for all men, not just the best men
If you ain’t put in the hours they’ll say “hell no
Cause they gonna want that paper as pure as the drive snow

Follow these rules you’ll have mad papers to post up
If so, all the way to the top
Slug out your paper, watch your thesis stand up
Marker read your papers, they’ll say this is too good to pass up

Hopefully Pia will provide an updated link to her of slides. But in the mean time here are some useful links to look at when thinking about publishing your work: Joern Fischer’s writing blog: http://writingajournalarticle.wordpress.com/
and Corey Bradshaw’s: http://conservationbytes.com/2012/10/22/how-to-write-a-scientific-paper/.

Cheers Skip.

And if you haven’t heard the original here it is! (Apologies to Biggie, hopefully he doesn’t roll over in his grave).

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